One day soon Miss Jane everyone else will be subdued and your life will be greatly renewed. You will earn your vitality and they will have exhausted theirs. Your life will be interesting and painfully envied by those who feel great times and opportunities foregone. When that moment comes you shouldn’t let yourself be held back by the melancholic faces, have no shame and guilt, for we all are granted an equal chance of courting the moment of great relevance and happiness. Some have it earlier while others have it latter but when it sets its fortunate eyes on you; bask in its warmth, dance with it wholeheartedly however avoid trying to prolong it for like everything else, those moment are intended to pass and turned to dust.
It was both neat and vigorous. I was intrigued by the neatness of it. First he insisted that we can do whatever I liked but then I just let go and did whatever he liked, because whatever he liked, I LIKED. It was like we magically dispappered from one place into another. One moment we were at the beach on a starry summer evening and then we were at the wooden cabin in the woods on a rainy evening by the fireplace (warm and fuzzy). It was all laid out carefully and the paces was graceful and flowing like a river. We flowed down the stream in the gentle current till the water beneath us started quickening nearing the waterfall. I trusted and clinged on till the waterfall. Like a drug, addiction, a need or a thirst. I breathed him and I felt alive. I would fall a thousand times over with him on that waterfall.
”I saw you this morning..You didn’t see me but I spotted you standing outside the Arcade with Tim. First of all I hate Tim, I can’t stand that guy. Anyway, before I could text you to tell you that I am in town I saw something that I want to ask you about. YOU were looking at that ‘preety young thing’ standing across from you so intently. Clara was there with me, she saw it too and I felt so humiliated. So please enlighten why were you leaning on the side, smoothly, and looking at her.” Cecelia asks.
Taken by surprise and unsure of how best to respond, Daniel gave off a small laugh and moved towards her intending to gently touch her arm and calm her down.
“Don’t touch me…” Cecelia brushes his hands off her. “Please go ahead and be kind enough to give me an answer as to WHY were you looking at her like that?”
“Okay calm down. It was Tim who was admiring her; he was going on and on about how sexy she was and all the things he wanted to do with her. So I just had to look,” Daniel answered.
“Oh no, no, no. Tim is not even going to save you on this one. You were looking at her. You were looking at her because you wanted to. Not because of Tim, don’t give me that crap, I know what I saw. Tim had nothing to do with it. It was all you. She was appealing and exciting to you, isn’t it?”
“You are overreacting. Are you asking if I want her. No I don’t.” Dan replies. “Yes. I want to know if you want her. Because I swear I saw that you did want her. Oh gosh!” Cecelia turns, clutches her chest and moves towards the chair to sit. Dan follows her “Are you okay? Come on babe don’t think too much into it. It’s nothing you should be concerned about. It’s just things that we boys do, when we are with friends, these things always happen, you should understand that.”
Cecelia turns and looks at him with tears running down her face “I don’t have to understand anything! I just want you to tell me the truth. Did you want her? Did she excite you? Clearly she is younger, more elegant and everything that I once we’re but no longer am now.”
Cecelia began to sob “Gosh! I love you so much Daniel and you know that. It hurt me seeing you look at her that way. It hurt so much. Because I remember how you once looked at me that way. You once looked at me that way, how can I forget that. I want you to know that if you ever feel the need to leave, please don’t hesitate to do so. I don’t want you to feel obliged to this relationship, like it’s a job where you are hesistant to submit your resignation letter because your employer had been nothing but the kindest to you above and beyond. You don’t have to feel obliged to this relationship, you can always leave. And I will be okay. I just can’t live in the dark. I swear I will die if you are hiding things from me.”
“What do you want me to do now? Aplogise for looking at some random person?” Asked Daniel, now ready to defend himself and his loyalty in their relatonship. If this relationship had to conlude it was not going to be because of him. Daniel tried too. Daniel stuck to the promise. A one moments mistake was no reason to feel like he cheated on them, it’s not like he did anything more than admiring a beautiful vivacious young thing that was dangled infront of him. Life and it’s tough negotiatons continues ….
I have been spending most of my writing time – which is very limited – writing on paper as inspired by great classic writers like Jane Austen and Charles Dickens. I even use pens that I feel resembles those pens that they used back then. I carry a notebook with me to work where I note down ideas and inspirations and even candidly writing out a blog post or a chapter for my ‘Novel project’ which is slowly simmering in formation. My simple goal is to always be writing something and engaging my writing muscle.
I want writing to become more effortless in a way and I want to be confident in writing about my perspectives more, which is why I take the greatest liberty in pouring out everything on paper, swishing and swirling my pen vigorously on paper regardless of all the gramatical errors and senseless sounding sentences it produces. The outcome so far of this freestyle, uninhibited form of writing has been leaving me feeling like it has moved the opposite direction of improving. My sentences and paragraphs sounds a bit awry and reckless. From all that drudging through the drudgery,I have produced a mass amount of unpalateable paragraphs but then I think; a mass amount of junk sentences is better than nothing.
The good thing – we always have to consider the good sides of every circumstances -is that I am a bit more expressive now and I take risks with the use of words. I don’t commit to perfection now, and oh my writing is far from perfect but I still write. You should read my diary entries, what a mess. I often miss out words – probably in my excitement to write it down – which obviously makes the sentence sound weird and incomplete.
I am very aware of the fact that fear is the greatest force that holds people back from their next creative venture. We will always be fearful, it’s natural but then we should limit its voice and it’s decision making powers in our life. So keeping in mind that I think that just continuously creating and juicing out all the juices of creativity whenever and whatever we can is a valuable process that allows more freedom which ultimately should produce great creative quality.
Like that Lady Gaga song; Just Dance. We should rewrite it and sing it as; 🎵🎶 Just write…too too doo too…Just write…Put that pen in that paper baby..too too doo too…Just write…Gonna be okay…too too doo too..Just write…write..write..too too doo doo .. Just Write 🎵🎶 That’s my go to song when I need to get to writing. Happy writing and creating everyone.
As a writer and/or as a dreamer you must watch this movies because of the great lessons it shares…
I agree with famous Author and Homecook Nigella Lawson who says that “..in cooking as in writing, we must please ourselves in order to please others.” This particular blog post has been 3 weeks slowly in the making; I have kept myself from pressing the Publish button because I haven’t been satisfied with the content till now. Also there is my full-time job (that devours the life off me; 9 hours a day and 5 days a week) and the plain exhaustion after work. Eventhough this blog post has taken me a bit longer to cook, it has however been lovingly prepared from my humble kitchen using simple ingredients from my life.
Regardless of the busyness of my young working life, instinctively I always feel the need to make time for things that I am passionate about, things that brings me joy, relaxation and happiness. I need to be happy for atleast an hour a day. We all have different notions of what a happy time is and I like people who have a unique notion of it and are proud of it, like someone I met recently – who shared with me that his idea of a happiest weekend is locking himself for a great deal of the time in his room and just playing video games; that’s my people right there. Eventhough I don’t play video games, I relate to him in the sense that I also enjoy being consumed in simple activities of joy without the pressure to dress up or be anything else rather than my truest self.
I would be the most happiest if I was locked up in my room, the lights dimmed, lots of books and interesting magazine articles to read, a feel good uplifting movie to watch, food for sustenance, water for hydration and soft music playing in the background but then most times I enjoy being in total silence and solitude. However it does not always have to be perfect and I never make much of an effort to make things perfect; probably that is one of my problems but then I feel content in deriving pleasure from whatever and wherever I can.
Recently I watched 2 movies – Passengers and The Queen of the Desert – that were a perfect in lots of ways for me and I was the most happiest while watching them. They came at a perfect time, they perfectly complimented each other and they were very uplifting and motivational. They both had standout messages which I found very useful as a writer (yes I just said that) – not an aspiring writer, but a writer in the full form of it. I am serious about my writing and I am actually doing the work, so I am a writer. To be an ‘aspiring something’ means to think about becoming it. I think it would save us alot of time if we stopped thinking about becoming it & to just go ahead and be it.
‘Passengers,’ is a sci fi movie that is set in a spaceship travelling to another habitable planet like earth and ‘The Queen of the Desert’ is a true story based on the life of a British named Getrude Bell who defied all conventions, putting herself in life threatening situations, travelling into dangerous Arabian teritories.
As a writer and/or as a dreamer you must watch this movies because of the great lessons it shares. Below I will share with you some of those lessons I learnt myself from watching those 2 movies.
| Lesson # 1. Embrace your unique perspective in life, nurture it, grow it and generously share it with the world. Both Aurora and Getrude Bell embrace their uniqueness, they are uninhibited, immensely opinionated and very confident which makes them all the more sexier. The guy that Chris Pratt plays decided to wake her up because apparently he loved her perspective on life. There was this beautiful moment when Chris Pratt giggles watching Auroras introduction video because she says something funny. He was completely smitten over her – it was so cute. It taught me the importance of maintaining our uniqueness and to always be free to share our unique perspective. But first we have to develop a unique perspective ourselves. As I was writing this blog post I reminded myself ‘vanilla, vanilla vanilla”- no vanilla content. Meaning that I should sttrip away any fear I had of appealing to a greater audience and just write something that is uniquely and authentically my own. To write about my unique perspective and I urge you to do the same.
Lesson # 2. To be great as a writer, in order to write great stories; we need to be adventurous, to go out there and take chances on love, life or whatever it is we feel the need to take a chance on. Go on big impossible adventures, wander into forbidden teritories, fulfill the loggings of our curiousity. It’s only when we experience all that, we become driven towards writting deep, exciting and inspiring stories.
Lesson # 3. We have got to love what we are doing. Is it easy to love something and be completely devoted to it? Well for some its easy but others like me, it takes a bit of an extra effort. Say we love the idea of being a writter, we know deep down it’s what we should be doing in life but then we would rather spend our time watching ‘You Tube videos’ or seeing what our friends are up to on ‘Instagram’ rather than writting down 1500 words. To know and to say that we love something doesn’t necessarily mean we love it, it’s the actions that shows how much we love something. We are effortless driven to write because we love the whole process of writting our thoughts down. If its effortless, nourishing and gratifying than thats love. But not to worry if we are not effortlessly driven to write now, I think that we can work towards it. It takes practice, it takes drudging through the drudgery to get there. The more we make it a habit of writting just about anytime and anywhere, the more we fall in love with it and the more effortless it becomes.
Lesson # 4. We need to make a commitment and fully invest in our craft. We have to make a firm resolution within us and a commitment that ‘this is what I wanna do and I am going to be commited to it through the good times and the bad times.’ After that we need to be putting in the work. Aurora spends most of her days writing, she is focussed on being a writer. Aurora and likewise Getrude Bell fully invested their life and time in writing which is why they didnt think twice about taking huge risks, venturing into dangerous adventures. Getrude Bell went against advice from people and went ahead and travelled to dangerous Arabian teritories in order to learn about people in those areas, to experience life in those areas first-hand and write about their stories. She wanted to understand them. It’s was her curiousity that led her there. Likewise Aurora decided to go on that trip into outer space so she could write a great story. From that adventure she will be able to write a story of great substance because she has lived the whole breadth of it. We have got to be ready to invest our life into things that we love and condition everything around us to allow our passion and talent to grow and be bountiful.
Lesson # 5. We need to posses the effortless drive of Aurora (main character in ‘Passengers’ played by Jen Lawrence) and Getrude Bell; we need to be self assured, bold and brave.They were both very serious and pasionate writers who went for what they wanted, they strutted forward with so much class. We have got to be driven towards creating the best possible content.
Lesson # 6. A key message I learnt from these 2 movies is the need to be here now. As Dreamers we are never fully present in this moment; we are always dreaming about this ideal future. We constantly devote our minds to dreaming about an ideal place where we want to be, that we forget to live out life where we are in the now. To think about it, we are kind of putting off living our life, because life is happening now. So be here now. We should remember that there is opportunity in every moment, lets seize it. |
Gertrude Bell and Aurora were very single minded and very decided about whatever they set out to do and what they wanted to accomplish. I am inspired by how they are determined to live their life as they please – onboard or not – they know where they have to go, what they have to do and they just go for it. So even if people are sceptical, thinking that we are crazy doing whatever it is that we are doing, we must think of the remarkable examples of Aurora and Getrude Bell. So lets be our own person with our own piece of mind about everything. Lets be brave, unique and again – just go for it.
There’s this person who likes to ask me questions, these weird monotonous sort of conversation starters and fillers. Questions like – “What did you do during the weekend?..What did you have for dinner last night?..Do you know how to cook?…What do you know how to cook?…What are you planning to do?…Have you gotten around to doing what you were planning to do?” I often cut corners and give short and simple answers to Dear X’s very simple yet difficult to answer type questions.
On Friday night after watching this powerful episode of my favourite tv show ever – ‘Being Mary Jane’ (BMJ) – I found myself rehearsing an interesting answer to the obvious question that I anticipate Dear X will ask me next week. Please note the following conversation takes place in my head.
‘So Kali, what did you do during the weekend?’ Dear X would ask.
I will answer; “Well Dear X , during the weekend I watched this TV show called ‘Being Mary Jane’. In this particular episode, Mary Jane’s best friend Lisa who has been depressed and lonely for such a long time, kills herself. You see Dear X, I aspire to become someone like the main character; Mary Jane – strong, smart and successful – and the truth is that I am more like Lisa.
I really wanted to see Lisa’s story evolve into a happier place and it saddened me that she did what she felt she had to do. Something beautiful happened when I watched the funeral scene; I was not only moved to tears but those tears moved me towards being in a warm embrace with my ugly truth. Lisa’s death reassured me that I am not alone and that it is okay to be someone like me. Like Lisa, I am the person who loved wholeheartedly and gave so much, just to be left lonely, clinging and heartbroken at the end. Just like Lisa I cry and hurt for people who get to move on happier with their life, whereas I am left behind with a stupid void. I have triggers because of some people – people who the thought of ‘how I feel’ or let alone ‘how am I’ never crossed their mind then and certainly doesn’t cross their mind now. Its okay to be the vulnerable, misreading and an over thinking crazy fool – not a fool in love because love is mutual, so in this case – the only fool. Its okay to feel like I have nothing and I am not capable of being loved. To be the one who is never called back, texted back, thought of back, cried for back, begged for back and importantly loved back.
I cried during Lisa’s funeral and it felt like I was in a real funeral, my face was all twisted, turned and I was seriously crying a river out. Crying is therapeutic for me so whenever the need to cry arises I will be revisiting this particular episode. Like the last scene in the movie ‘Titanic’ (also a crying inducing scene) where Jack asks Rose to promise him that she never gives up on life and to go on and grow old dying warm in her bed; the funeral scene in that BMJ episode also reminded me to never, ever, give up living – like Lisa did. I will never give up even when life gets so fricking cold and I am overboard. Every time when life gets tougher I have to remind myself the beautiful quote by Professor Stephen Hawkins – “While there is life, there is hope.”
In the Eulogy Mary Jane says to “..make sure you tell everyone that you will love them, no matter how ugly their truth is,” and that is a profound act of love. I also feel that it all begins with us individually. So I accept and embrace my ugly truth and I don’t need to wait for someone to validate me by accepting it. Dear X, I shared a sense of my ugly truth; not to be pitied or ask to be loved but to be empowered by it and overcome whatever fear it is attached to. Justin Bieber may never have meant it in a good way when he sang the line; “Maybe you should go and love yourself” yet that’s exactly what we need to do, to start with loving our self unconditionally first. A friend of mine had once told me – “What are you scared of? Don’t be scared. You came alone into this world and you will go out of it alone.” So it only makes sense to find freedom and joy even in the most loneliest and isolating of times. We need a support system – that is essential – but we should remember that we are our best support system.
Any further questions Dear X?”
Hopefully Ill be able to say all of that to Dear X but it really felt liberating having to write it all here. We have only this present life to live so why not claim and freely talk about our ugly truth so that it never holds us back. So go our there and claim your truth.
Next year I will focus on essential things that are right in front of me. There will be no big goals, just a lot of listening to my inner voice, seeking and following directions.
I am trying to write more these days. That’s one of my priority areas. I have cut down on my TV time and I am simply writing more for the joy of it. My quest to find my voice continues. I may not be consistent and I fall many times however I am going to keep on striving forward. I remind myself that I am 23 years old and I shouldn’t be too worried. Would that become an excuse that allows procrastination to thrive in my life? Umm…well that’s one way to look at it but the thing is I feel that we should be kinder to ourselves, we should remove the sense of urgency and give ourselves some room to breathe and live. The other thing is I don’t believe it serves us well to create ultimatums for ourselves like; ‘If I am not the best in this thing after a year then I am just going to have to let it go because that’s the sign that it is not for me’. I don’t think that’s being honest with ourselves, it’s just limiting of ourselves from all the possibilities. If it is important, and essential to us and our happiness than we should never stop pursuing it.Lately I have been getting some great inspirations from reading a blog called The Minimalists. It has added value to my life immensely and changed my perspective. It helped me embrace a new way of life, a simpler way of life that allows freedom and more happiness. As the title of the blog indicates, it is about living minimally with less things deliberately. The blog documents the journey of 2 guys – Joshua and Ryan – into changing their lifestyle, relinquishing the grip of the consumerist culture and the false prosperity promise of amassing material things to gain more happiness. By freeing ourselves of not only the physical but mental, emotional and social clutter, we will have more space to finally live. I suggest you take a look through the blog, it might be of value to you too.
It is through the Podcast titled ‘Focus’ shared by The Minimalist blog that I learned why we shouldn’t aspire to be busy but to be focussed. From that I created – not a goal – but a direction for year 2017 which I have already begun in advance on Sunday 20th November. My year 2017 is about Focus, Simplifying, Meaningful engagements, Adding Value and Contribution. I will be ‘Prioritising the essentials – everything and everyone that matters – now’. I want to focus on doing things that matters the most to me. From now onwards I am not going to be busy but be focussed. The key word being ‘now’, to always remember that life is happening now and to just live in the moment. It feels good to say that; ‘Live-In-The-Moment!’ I want more eating, praying, meditating, laughing, loving and creating moments of happiness – sort of like my very own year of Eat.Pray.Love. I strive to make it a year of mindful living – less reactive and more deliberate in my actions.
Next year I will focus on essential things that are right in front of me. There will be no big goals, just a lot of listening to my inner voice, seeking and following directions. I will be focusing on being there for my family and friends, those who matter the most to me. We all realise that our close loved ones matter the most to us, they are an essential ingredient in our life however they can be the most neglected aspect of our life. I am not generalising but for me that’s certainly the case because often I am too busy trying to be my best for other people that I am not offering my best to those who truly matter. Oh and relationships are not simple, there is a lot of give and take and plenty compromises and sacrifices involved. Also humility and less selfishness on our part may be required. There is a lot of work to be done hence focus is needed to make it work better. Also remind ourselves that life is a work in progress, we continuously have to put in the work; thus emphasis on our relationship not just working but becoming better than before. I also want to find simple opportunities to add value to peoples lives and contribute. To look beyond myself and devote my energy, doing the genuine raw work adding value to other people’s lives.
There is a direction and a list of simple things that I would like to focus on and all of that is incorporated with engaging and adding value to people. Very importantly I am trying ensure that I am being both a doer and a thinker. We don’t have to justify any of our choices to anyone, what’s essential is that we are happy and making other people happy too. 2017 is my simple year of value.