Expanding Our Circle Of Important

In our lives, the question of what is important and who is important – naturally, to a certain extent matters greatly. It affects us in the form of resulting beliefs we tend to carry around with us – the one’s we may be in denial of, or the one’s we recognize is there –  in the back of our minds but can’t literally describe. These collection of beliefs, which I think is manufactured from the default & mindless programmed machines in our brains, forms the circle of what and who is important. Which then, sadly, goes on to affect our decisions and our sense of self worth. 

Don’t you feel this small innate childlike sense of wanting to feel important, and also, maybe this pressing need to be part of what’s important, of being in close collegial terms with those who are important? There is three parts to that question, and our answers might vary. I will answer it personally; for the first part; I certainly do! Meaning that I don’t want to feel like I am less important but at the same time – like my friends and people who I am drawn to – not really taking myself too seriously, simply because it’s not fun being serious and being with one. The second and third part; acquainting myself with what is so called important, and those who are considered important, has a slight danger of pretension around it, of having to conform to ideals and acting in ways that are not truthful to who I am.

Obviously, the truth is that indeed we are all important. To think that we as all common and equal human beings – one is more important than another, is ridiculous. But sadly, that is actually the way things often are. For some of us, especially we the young people, who haven’t had our minds really expanded – maybe for lack of travel or the lack of information – this circle of importance can be very small, with a boundary that is very thick and defined. It becomes a sort of barrier, a wall or a trap that we have set for ourselves. 

I struggled with this recently. Drudging blindly around the circle and it was excruciating, even scarring. Honestly, I still feel repulsion at the thought of some faces and names. I would be lying if I said that I have forgiven and forgotten people and experiences, that I am all free and filled with pure compassion. I am working at it, because I feel that unless I release them and have no more hard feelings towards them – I will still be tethered to them, and in a way, still in that circle of importance. 

Back then – amazingly just few months ago, without having coined a phrase to personally describe that state of mind, or even having been aware of this restrictive problem in the first place – my life was unconsciously governed by that small circle of what and who was important. This circle was very narrow and was unconsciously influenced by that immediate vacuous environment I was in and informed by the energy and ideas of dominant narrow minded beings. I talked about it briefly, in a post that was posted just around the time when this struggle was most real.

I was around people who were feeding me with their self serving, self propelling and self illuminating ideals of what was important. They regarded themselves as important and anyone less then their standard was unimportant. They had this communal way of praising and ridiculing people. Also, to them, my colorful aspirations was deemed not important, making me feel inferior. As I read my way out of that circle (through books, blogs and podcasts), I have seen them for what they are, I realize that there are other things which are more important in life. 

Sometimes we do things that we feel is thoughtful, a form of good, necessary, redeeming service but then it ends up being a big disservice to ourselves. We can not entirely change people. I reckon that it’s mostly an illusion what happens in the movies, where someone walks in and straight after the great rumble in the difficult climax, the hero goes onto change things for the better, in the end walking into the sunset happily with beautiful slow music rolling in the credits. It’s more complicated then that, we propably end up being hurt badly and scarred in the process. In real life, sometimes the way to affect change is to avoid walking into negative situations in the first place, to protect ourselves and trust our gut instinct – if it doesn’t feel right, just don’t do it or don’t go back there.  

Luckily while moving around those dark times, I made the bestest decision ever of quiting. Of quiting negativity and ugliness. Quiting pessimism and cynicism. Quiting mediocre. Quiting that small circle with it’s people and their ideals and finally giving myself a chance to breathe and dream bigger. I stumbled upon a door and opened it to find an airy room, spacious and well lit. A room which I can furnish as I please and I am selective about what I bring in. All I want to bring in is something that fills me up with joy, goodness and helps me in beautifying my inner landscape. 

We are continuously evolving people. Let’s yield ouselves to change whenever it is necessary. If we are not happy, that’s the sign that we need to change somethin. Go out and breathe some new, fresh and revitalising air. Discover something new, oh that’s exciting. The many sunsets of our lives should be exciting and where get to be optimisitic and excited about the new sunrise. 

Now, I am so relieved that I have seen through that circle, expanding it wider, making it encompass the entire universe. I feel better, I think better and even talk better. Also, I feel a bit more liberated and loving too. Always see through that misleading little circle that life often puts us in. Know that there are other things that can be more important in life.

There is this quote by Nobel Prize winner in Economics, Behavioural Economist – Daniel Khaneman – that I love so much from an OnBeing.org Podcast, which I am going to end this post with it, because it just accurately sums everything up in just one beautiful sentence. 

What I dont know matters enormously, and what I can’t see matters enormously. 

It is an essential reminder in life – the way to live and think. Thanks for reading. Stay joyful. 


Proudly Narrate the World Around You – The World You Know 

I have collected a lot of interesting things along the way in my blogging journey. Some from writing but mostly from reading. Recenty I came upon this article shared by the WordPress team titled ‘Magic can be normal‘ by the site Hazlitt. In the article an Asian writer talks about her great joy and other thoughts on seeing a fellow Asian actor play a significant character on a Shakespeare play. She felt proud and was happy that her child could also experience the same joy years on, when an all cast Asian Shakesphere play was performed in a nearby city. The article highlighted the importance of representation in mainstream media, how it can help young peoples confidence in life. How representation can help young people of color feel normal and believe in endless possibilities – that they can be hero’s and heroines in their own lives. I urge you to read it and feel the same magic I felt while reading the article.  

Reading that article I became very inspired and it urged me to have some pride in who I am and where I come from and to proudly narrate it for the world to read it. To make my stories part of the new normal. Which is what we should all do more of. I always felt intimidated being in this blogging world, I felt like I dont have a story to tell and part of the reason is because most of the blogs that I follow are not from the region that I come from, there is vast differences in lifestyle and culture. So I felt like I couldnt be actively part of the conversation, because to be part of the conversation I would have to know what they are actually talking about. 

But I do enjoy reading other blogs, really, especially for the general universal truths they talk about which breaks down all boarders and boundaries. Two blogs I am loving at the moment is a poetry blog by Robert Okaji, and the narrative blog On BeingBut writing becomes difficult if you are literally from an island of your own where your story is in abundance but may seem unrelateable to others around the world. After reading that article by the website Hazlitt, I felt really empowered, like, oh my goodness, yasss, I have a story to tell, its all around me, my life, my everyday existance in this place in the middle of nowhere is worth telling because it is unique. No one else is telling this kinda stories from this region and I will tell it as authentically as possible – very importantly. 

I am from the Pacific Islands, South Pacific, Fiji to be more specific. I am not going to sugar coat or glamorise things and make it sound like some tourism brochure. No our life is very different from what is presented to tourists. We have a life,  a real life, just like that of people who are escaping theirs by coming for holidays in our islands. We love our tourists and are greatful for them visiting our islands and we all do work together to keep you coming back to our shores. For real. But my point is that our life, its not tropically glamorous, we do not eat from coconut shells or beatifully crafted spoons and bowls. We eat from silver spoons and plates. We dont always eat healthily, going backyard with our woven baskets to fetch vegetables and rootcrops – matter of fact Non Communicable Diseases is a major cause of concern – its at an alarming the rate. And then there is climate change which we are regarded as victims of. However I choose not to see ourselves as victims, we are victors and we will fight back by being a smarter generation, economically sustainable, growing and advancing – thats my fight. I am of the view that ‘we dont need handouts,’ we can do things by ourselves. We have universities breeding scientists and business students that will protect and propel our countries to greater heights. 

We are a beautiful places with beautiful smiles that is authentically welcoming. We also have an interesting way of life. We have our own hustles and we try to keep up and be on the same page with the rest of the world. For me I represent the dreamers from where I come from. We dream normal dreams as other young people do. We consider ourselves modern millenials pushing envelopes, creating new pathways. We aspire to be Actors, Singers, Writers, Models, Fashion Designers, Business Moguls, Influencers and so many other things that the imagination can conceive. Very importantly we have our own stories and I am a blogger who will tell a part of that story. Welcome to my side of the world. 

We the ​Young People: Develop our Own Vision and Consider Earning our Own Money 

I believe that money is important, as a matter of fact I will shamelessly say that it is the most important. Its all about the money! If we have no money, we dont get to eat and we are unable to pay our dues to those who matter and attain the essential things that matter. We also loose social significance – screw social significance and standards anyways – a dumb superficial thing that gives us a distorted perception of life, twisting us to contorted shapes thats aesthetically pleasing but unfulfilling.

Okay. Yes. Everybody knows that – ‘Money is the root of all evil.’ For this concern, a constant monitoring of our intention should be in place. Our life should never be governed by superficial things or the quest for it. Thats the evil part. If we are instead driven by a personal vision for the greater good we shall avoid falling into the wayside where arrogant fools fall in that selfish pursuit for money. 

A purpose driven life is important. What is your vision? What do we see lacking in the world around us? How can we improve things for this generation and the ones to come? Lets focus on that. Through all of our travails on the flimsy path towards success and happiness, that vision shall be our light that guides us and through constant effort we make it brighter and brighter and its reach eventually, wider and wider. But first we got to equip ourselves, accumulate the pieces of embers to light up that small fire within us and keep it alight. 

Money matters. Lets earn our money and spend it wisely as a mean of safety, support and growth. Get some money – clean money, hard and honestly earned money. Often its those with money who are telling us the young ones without money to stave off the need for it and instead devote our time in pursuit of a common good or a common goal for another entity that doesnt always have our best interest at heart. Its where we are made to devote our lives running around, stressed, dissatisfied, going with the flow, compromising and settling.

Through all of this, a towering cloud of confussion follows us as we make sense of our place in all of this noise. We are living just another meaningless, predetermined life, unexcited of waking up in the morning and taking for granted the greatest gift that is life. After enduring and the clouds depart, we find ourselves a part of their grander plan that is not ours – our life has been designed. But we are born free and always have the power and freedom to design it ourselves, to our own liking. 

At the outset we young people should think of how to earn money, doing not only what we are good at, but also doing what we love as a strategic and sustainable mean of getting money. I would prefer that I am engaged in something that brings me return on my time, bringing me joy and also – very importantly – getting me closer to my vision rather than fulfilling someone else’s vision.

Again I will reiterate, and I feel the great need to, that social standards and expectations are not real, yes they govern certain aspects of our lives but they are nothing more than just a common set of imagined rules with an insignificant outcome. They are simply there to stifle a persons progression and also that of society as a whole. It prevents an individual from fully expressing themselves and pursuing a life to their fullest representation. Having young people become guilt tripped and morally dictated to pursue someone elses idea of a sustainable world is unsustainable if the young one doesnt share the same vision or even have a vision for themself, without any sense of awareness of what future they are aspiring for. 

Stop pursuing a vision for others, create one for yourself and pursue that. Lets not allow ourselves to propped up as a token or be used in any other way. The most productive use of our time as young people is looking for that personal vision which we can confidently work relentlessly hard towards. 

If you see a world where flying cars is the main mode of transportation, by all means stubbornly pursue that. If you believe that your beloved hometown in the middle of nowhere will become the next Silicone valley of opportunities – for the love of your people make it happen!! If you feel you have a solution to erradicate poverty and homelessness around the world – look forward and run your own race towards that vision. We can do whatever we want, practical or impractical, new or old, rational or irrational, possible or impossible – as long as it is trully our own. So lets find our own cause and pursue that. Let us not be distracted or be fooled. Lets rise up, make ourselves some money, while confidently paving our own path in life. 

Competence and Cooking

Nigella Lawson is a Food Author and a TV personality  who I adore immensely. Very often I watch her You Tube videos, whether it be her Cooking Videos where her commentary on food adds another layer of deliciousness to what shes cooking complimented by her graceful and effortless cooking skills, or her Interviews where her hands are flailing in the air during explanations and dominating the interview with her striking beauty, enthusiasms and honest explanations of her perspectives on many things in life. 

On one such interview I stumbled upon this notion which seized my attention and continued to be repeated over and over again in my head for days. Chosen as ABC’s ‘Person of the week’, Nigella talks about the importance of competence as a virtue and how it is often an undervalued one. 

Sitting poised on a stool, with a straight elegant posture and in a figure hugging purple dress Nigella talks about the importance of competence in life when asked by the interviewer of her take on self-confidence.

” … unless you are very competent, any confidence is false. It’s the notion that I can provide for my own existence and I think that arms you.” 

When she puts it that way, it makes a lot of sense and its motivational to an incompetent to become competent. Often we are so fixated on being confident people that we tend to overlook or forego having to do the necessary ground work to strengthen the foundation for that confidence. Competence is the necessary ground work that needs to be done in order to feel trully confident and sustain that level of confidence. For instance at work; it’s only when we are very competent at it that we can become confident in it. Competence is the key ingredient for confidence. 

That’s what I try to be these days – to be a competent person, to be able to do things very well or improve on key areas of my life I feel lacking. Whether that be cleanliness, neatness, time management or learning new essential skills such as cooking. With all that I do I keep that phrase – competence – in my mind. It’s sort of my theme of the moment, I try to wake up to the word every morning – my goal of the day is to be competent. 

In a day I try to get a lot of things done before I go off to bed early at around 10pm at night. For one, I do this so that I have no excuse to do anything before bedtime, keeping myself from that dreaful insomniac trap that I often walk into. Also I feel that being alive and having the energy and ability to do things, one should not take it for granted. It is a huge privilidge to be alive so with that in mind we must be enthusiastic everyday. Competence comes by easily and effortlessly when we are feeling really excited about the day and just throwing all our energy into it. 

I have just gotten into cooking lately – I have never known how to cook prior to this, I was reluctant for 2 possible reasons; fear of giving people food poisoning or just plain incompetent laziness. Just recently I decided that I am going to cook more often – I am going to become a domestic goddess like Nigella (I know, lofty glittery goals often works for me otherwise I’d just be bored). 

Challenges are there in cooking but I find that when we throw ourselves into tasks like cooking – where there is a dealine in the form of burnt food or overcooked meals – we can forget about any other external urgency but just be immersed into the activity, seized into the moment and become enthusiastic about having to produce an end result that we can be proud of. I forget that I am hungry when I start cooking but so far the end results have been at times commendable for someone who never knew how to cook before but other times the kitchen is a crime scene, investigators point at the contents in the pot and ask “What is that?”. Okay no, I am exagerating, it’s not that bad.

Cooking for me is one of my competency indicators, by cooking a lot I believe I will in time become better at it and eventually become confident in cooking. By feeding people I become a better person to those who I feed and that gives me confidence that should arm me into becoming the bestest person I envision myself to be. 

First and Foremost: Stop being dishonest with ourselves! 

“Now comes the harder part, Nick. I need total honesty from you, it wont work any other way. So tell me everything about your marriage, tell me the worst. Because if I know the worst, then I can plan for it. But if I’m surprised, we’re fuck#d. And if we’re fuck#d, you’re fuck#d.”

 ‘Gone Girl’ by Gillian Flynn

It is indeed the hardest part to have to admit things – problems, weaknesses, threats, failures and defeat. It’s uncomfortable having to not only admit to other people (totally unnecessary if it is none of their business) but also having to admit to our ourselves. In the above situation before Nick can give as honest as possible to his Lawyer all the raw truth, he needs to be aware of the raw truth in the first place and acknowledge it. Choosing to be oblivious to our raw truth or being dishonest with ourselves is often the ‘easier and comfortable’ alternative – which mostly presents us a short term or immediate satisfaction yet breeding long term consequences.

Do you at times feel like you lie to yourself? Because I sure as hell do. I prefer to be more irresponsibly optimistic. I lie to myself that everything is alright and their is no need for concern. I hate the thought of wrecking my brains delving into my problems, I fear that I might become too stressed out and depressed. It’s also hard having to analyse things about myself and I am not good with another person doing it for me either. I am very laid back which could be attributed to me being a 24 year old Fijian living in the land of sand and sunshine where life  is idyllically laid back. I often find that it is easier to say “Oh I am fine,” or “Its no big deal,” or “Its not that serious at all, nothing that cant be fixed,” – without a care and a clue of how to fix it.

Reading the book ‘Gone Girl’ has taught me one thing and that is the importance of being honest with ourselves. We don’t need someone else to come and coerce the truth out of us or maybe to actually capitalize on our weak areas and use it against us. We need to take ownership of our ugly truths and use it to fix things about ourselves that we know needs fixing.

It’s totally a personal decision if you want to reword the truth, make it colourful and tasteful for other people but when it comes to telling yourself the truth – you say it as it is – in its ugliest, yuckiest true state. But it doesn’t have to be a demeaning activity where we drain out our self esteem, we should see it as a way of giving ourselves constructive criticism. Not only identifying the areas where we lack in but also thinking of solutions and creating a very strategic action plan for ourselves.

Like what Lawyer Tanner Bolt says to Nick Dunne in ‘Gone Girl’ – if we know the truth than we can plan for it. Being very honest with ourselves give us an opportunity to have a proper insight and perspective into our own flawed life. Having a good understanding of just what we are dealing with helps us to manoeuvre ourselves better around problems making sure that we have control on our life. We are also able to prepare ourselves for the worst and in countering risks. By taking full responsibility we can challenge ourselves to make some changes. We will posses a foresight that should help us to create a game plan – a game plan to play the game better.

So friends let’s stop being dishonest with ourselves. Stand up, be brave and accept your truth. No one can attain perfection but we can do little things to improve ourselves. Let’s be responsible and be honest with ourselves first and foremost. Philosopher Lao Tzu says that “Mastering yourself is power.” You got the power!! Claim your power!!

All Our Days are Noteworthy

I showed up to ‘today in the now.’ Living in the moment and being calm. Paid attention, like really paid attention and seing the beauty in the moment. I found joy in the little things and became joyful. My nephew he is like the most adorable little bundle of joy ever and a great teacher too, he really helps me in being in the moment. I focus on the fine strands of his hair, his cute little movements and his smile. We took a walk outside and I really breathed in the air and was happy in that moment. I tuned down the noise in my head and I opened my senses to the world around me. 

Today I finally watched The Single Man a movie I have been dying to watch for such a long time. Every moment was captured so beautifully in it as expected being passionately directed by Tom Ford. He was inspired to make this movie after reading the novel that this movie is based on and relating to it so deeply. He had undergone a phase similar to the character in the movie and so he felt that it was very important for him to turn that novel into a movie. After watching the movie, the images from it haunted me in beautiful way. It gave me a good feeling and it still remains with me now as I am writing this. Today was beautiful, everyday is beautiful. No matter how plain it may seem there are beautiful things happening now, we just have to choose to see and feel it. Take it easy, take it slow and take beautiful notes. I will leave you with this beautiful quote by the main character, Professor George from the movie: 

A few times in my life I’ve had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp. And the world seems so fresh as though it had all just come into existence. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be. 

A horrible week in review 

It’s been a really horrible week. Today I thought I was going to float off home in the afternoon, happy that the day progressed well instead I was victimized by a verbal assault from one of my co-workers husband who is also an operator for a courier company that picks parcels from us. He was wrong, and I was right but I acted cooly, not trying to make a scene, I mean it’s my lovely work colleagues beloved arrogant husband, I didn’t want to go full gear, call him a ‘big pile of sh##’ and threaten to call his boss (who is a very lovely man) and get him fired. Oh, but it was really awkward, we would rather not have a further discussion about it. 

I love people but then some people can be extremely rude and that’s what I have had to endure for the whole week. I am thinking about having to quit this job and this town and it’s people altogether but then it’s my family that keeps me back here. I feel innately that I am at a dead end here and I have to go through with everything. I am not really stressed out, I choose not to let it affect me that much but it’s difficult, I cant be totally unaffected or disengaged from what I have to endure for like 9 hours in a day – okay not really for 9 hours, but the eruptions happens within those 9 hours and I never know what’s lurking beneath the ground ready to explode.

It’s like a vast landscape filled with landmines and I am just wandering through it in search of the promised land or signs that I am almost there. Very desperately I am wandering around, thirsty, without food and almost passing out and its so bad that it is very difficult to remain hopeful. I have been reading ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Bryne and life is not magically surprising me as I condition my thoughts to be for. Apparently it seems like it isn’t manifesting correctly and instead the opposite happened this week; I thought good thoughts bad situations and things stormed in like a cyclone without warning. I have been used as a scape goat and hated upon, I am the ultimate young and defenseless, such an easy target, situated right there in the front line and fired upon. Singing “Survivor” by Destinys Child doesn’t even work. But after writing for awhile airing my concerns, I do feel like a “Survivor”.

In the few minutes that I took out to check my social media, I received some lovely positive feedback that really changed my whole entire state of being. Current problems have been devalued to insignificance as I have gained perspective of the bigger picture and I am seeing things from a different angle. This is not everything in my life, it’s a small relevant part however these rude, mean people are irrelevant to my life and my vision. 

I guess this got to be the universe going – (ding dong🎵) “Sorry for the late delivery but here is your package of goodness and keep on thinking those good thoughts. Regards, From the great big loving Universe” A little late but always on time. Good night and thanks for reading my blog.