These Days

Well these days I have been resting very well – one could say not by choice because I am unemployed at the moment and I am still awaiting results from the few good job applications that I did for the last few weeks. I am getting very good at writing application letters – I am prose writing to potential employers; ‘Hire me! Yours Sincerely, Charles Dickens.’  

But to be really honest, I have been enjoying my time at home. I love it, I am at a bliss. Obviously, and I say this with so much confidence that I WILL EVENTUALLY GET A GREAT JOB SOON, but hopefully before the New Year or it would be really nice to start work soon during Diwali Fesyival – the Indian festival of lights which is celebrated here in Fiji that involves lots of sweets and fire crackers. Starting before Diwali would be most ideal because I want to feast on a lot of Indian sweets from co-workers (I know how ridiculous that sounds, especially if you are a reader from Fiji or who has lived in Fiji). 

However without much pressure, for now I am living, I am breathing, I am resting, I am reading often and I am staying informed and connected. I am currently reading ‘Great Expectation’ by Charles Dickens and I have read 15 books so far, I am aiming for more than 20 this year. Oh and not forgeting the fact that I am writing too. Gosh I shouldnt talk about that .. shhhh .. but then eventually few of my small works that I have been working on will appear here on my blog and I will be sending a few out too. Yes, I am ready for rejections, or no responses, but hoping those small works of fiction will be published. I had this idea, a Flash kind of idea that I thought would work well with the blog and again I shouldnt talk much about it, but Ill post it up hear on the virtual home of my imaginations and thinking soon. Give me a bit of time, just a bit. 

My goodness, I feel as if I am rambling again, a bit scatty, but hey who cares, atleast thats what authentic conversations with a friend is mostly like. We could talk for hours, at our great comforts with friends on everything and nothing in particular, topics just intertwining or sprouting from the earth. 

So yeah, for the past couple of days I just thought that I will be honest, truthful and little bit more open on this blog. Like if you should meet me in real life, you would be like, “Oh I know what you are going through and sorry for that,” or “Hey congratulations on (that thing).” Not that I want to be pittied or praised or be a braggart, no nothing of that sorts, its just that I want to be more transparent and comfortable in this space. 

You know what, I love to watch You Tube videos of people who I admire and who are invested in a similar craft which I wanna be invested in. One of the thing that came out of a video that I watched recently is that we should enjoy what we are doing – like oh my gosh, thats such a no brainer Kaliova. But then really, it sounded very new to me. Like, wow, thats such a cool idea and it makes sense. It was an Adele, Michelle Phan and also Author Stephen Kings video interviews that I watched recently that this idea stood for me. They talked (on seperate interviews in case you are wondering) about how we should enjoy the process of doing what we do and be fans of our works ourselves (vanity, no, positive self esteem, yes). We need to do something that we would like to see, read, hear, taste or watch ourselves. Enjoy yourselves my darlings. Just delve deeper into your craft, and work towards a niche market. Just focus and have fun. Do the work. Lets hunker down and do the worker. Its difficult, I know but lets do it. Come on, lets chant… put your fist up – Do The Work! Do the work! Do the Work! Yes, friends, yes. 

On that end, regarding this blog and my overall dream, I have been working on a few things. I am trying to create contents that I want to like myself. By the way, do I mention enough how I am working on becoming an official writer. It gives me a bit of goosebumps, to admit that here, its uncomfortable to have to admit publicly. And a lot of things I will be saying here from here on will be personal and uncomfortable to admit but as I said, I hope to be more transparent on this blog. Thats my 800 words of personal stuffs, filed under Personal with an intention to be more connected with readers (assuming I have some). Okay byee! Have a great weekend. 


We the ​Young People: Develop our Own Vision and Consider Earning our Own Money 

I believe that money is important, as a matter of fact I will shamelessly say that it is the most important. Its all about the money! If we have no money, we dont get to eat and we are unable to pay our dues to those who matter and attain the essential things that matter. We also loose social significance – screw social significance and standards anyways – a dumb superficial thing that gives us a distorted perception of life, twisting us to contorted shapes thats aesthetically pleasing but unfulfilling.

Okay. Yes. Everybody knows that – ‘Money is the root of all evil.’ For this concern, a constant monitoring of our intention should be in place. Our life should never be governed by superficial things or the quest for it. Thats the evil part. If we are instead driven by a personal vision for the greater good we shall avoid falling into the wayside where arrogant fools fall in that selfish pursuit for money. 

A purpose driven life is important. What is your vision? What do we see lacking in the world around us? How can we improve things for this generation and the ones to come? Lets focus on that. Through all of our travails on the flimsy path towards success and happiness, that vision shall be our light that guides us and through constant effort we make it brighter and brighter and its reach eventually, wider and wider. But first we got to equip ourselves, accumulate the pieces of embers to light up that small fire within us and keep it alight. 

Money matters. Lets earn our money and spend it wisely as a mean of safety, support and growth. Get some money – clean money, hard and honestly earned money. Often its those with money who are telling us the young ones without money to stave off the need for it and instead devote our time in pursuit of a common good or a common goal for another entity that doesnt always have our best interest at heart. Its where we are made to devote our lives running around, stressed, dissatisfied, going with the flow, compromising and settling.

Through all of this, a towering cloud of confussion follows us as we make sense of our place in all of this noise. We are living just another meaningless, predetermined life, unexcited of waking up in the morning and taking for granted the greatest gift that is life. After enduring and the clouds depart, we find ourselves a part of their grander plan that is not ours – our life has been designed. But we are born free and always have the power and freedom to design it ourselves, to our own liking. 

At the outset we young people should think of how to earn money, doing not only what we are good at, but also doing what we love as a strategic and sustainable mean of getting money. I would prefer that I am engaged in something that brings me return on my time, bringing me joy and also – very importantly – getting me closer to my vision rather than fulfilling someone else’s vision.

Again I will reiterate, and I feel the great need to, that social standards and expectations are not real, yes they govern certain aspects of our lives but they are nothing more than just a common set of imagined rules with an insignificant outcome. They are simply there to stifle a persons progression and also that of society as a whole. It prevents an individual from fully expressing themselves and pursuing a life to their fullest representation. Having young people become guilt tripped and morally dictated to pursue someone elses idea of a sustainable world is unsustainable if the young one doesnt share the same vision or even have a vision for themself, without any sense of awareness of what future they are aspiring for. 

Stop pursuing a vision for others, create one for yourself and pursue that. Lets not allow ourselves to propped up as a token or be used in any other way. The most productive use of our time as young people is looking for that personal vision which we can confidently work relentlessly hard towards. 

If you see a world where flying cars is the main mode of transportation, by all means stubbornly pursue that. If you believe that your beloved hometown in the middle of nowhere will become the next Silicone valley of opportunities – for the love of your people make it happen!! If you feel you have a solution to erradicate poverty and homelessness around the world – look forward and run your own race towards that vision. We can do whatever we want, practical or impractical, new or old, rational or irrational, possible or impossible – as long as it is trully our own. So lets find our own cause and pursue that. Let us not be distracted or be fooled. Lets rise up, make ourselves some money, while confidently paving our own path in life. 

All Our Days are Noteworthy

I showed up to ‘today in the now.’ Living in the moment and being calm. Paid attention, like really paid attention and seing the beauty in the moment. I found joy in the little things and became joyful. My nephew he is like the most adorable little bundle of joy ever and a great teacher too, he really helps me in being in the moment. I focus on the fine strands of his hair, his cute little movements and his smile. We took a walk outside and I really breathed in the air and was happy in that moment. I tuned down the noise in my head and I opened my senses to the world around me. 

Today I finally watched The Single Man a movie I have been dying to watch for such a long time. Every moment was captured so beautifully in it as expected being passionately directed by Tom Ford. He was inspired to make this movie after reading the novel that this movie is based on and relating to it so deeply. He had undergone a phase similar to the character in the movie and so he felt that it was very important for him to turn that novel into a movie. After watching the movie, the images from it haunted me in beautiful way. It gave me a good feeling and it still remains with me now as I am writing this. Today was beautiful, everyday is beautiful. No matter how plain it may seem there are beautiful things happening now, we just have to choose to see and feel it. Take it easy, take it slow and take beautiful notes. I will leave you with this beautiful quote by the main character, Professor George from the movie: 

A few times in my life I’ve had moments of absolute clarity, when for a few brief seconds the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think, and things seem so sharp. And the world seems so fresh as though it had all just come into existence. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them, but like everything, they fade. I have lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realize that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be. 

24 Ways To Be Less Disappointed With Myself

​As I turn 24 today I decided to personally launch 24 goals that should help me be less disappointed with myself. To be the bestest version of myself for my own personal satisfaction. It is sort of based on my ultimate model of an accomplished young person which is based on 2 fast talking, higly intelligent, driven and baddass TV characters that I am obsessed over – Luca Quin of the TV series, THE GOOD WIFE (& then later on in the spin-off show THE GOOD FIGHT) and Olivia Munns character in THE NEWSROOM – Sloan Sabbith.

Here are my 24 personal goals for my 24th year in this great big world:

1. Better time management

2. Serious and disciplined savings

3. Invest in assets and things that yields returns. 

4. Be more disciplined. 

5. Be more organised like Marie Kondo. 

6. Learn how to cook like Nigella. 

7. Upskill and learn new important skills like – statistics, graphic design, driving, maths, writing or programming. If it is necessary than you must have it.

8. Strive for quality

9. Be the brightest

10. Be multifaceted like Elon Musk, Seth MacFarlane, Beyoncé and Charles Dickens. Work on the slashes (singer/actress or economist/writer/entrepreneur) 

11. Be a professional

12. Be resilient

13. Less attitude problem

14. Less complaining – more problem solving

I5. Individuality and Confidence – fashion

16.  Be cool, calm, composed and elegant like Charlize Theron and Beyoncé

17. “Stay graceful, best revenge is your paper,” – Get more papers. 

18. Humility (always)

19. Giving back

20. Focus

21. Always go prepared.

22. Drink coffee

23.Exercise or Meditate or Yoga.

24. Be tenacious; get things done. Pursue life goals and dreams like a motherf#$!#. 

Post Graduation Blues 

Post-graduation so far for me has been such an exhausting and an oh so difficult time in my life, as I am strugling to find atleast a decent job that fulfills the promise of my Degree qualification. Not that I am unemployed at the moment, I am happily employed somewhere in the middle of nowhere, but just not at one of those big lavish Firms that I wanted to work with initially.

I thought that after obtaining my Degree, I would have to be choosey with jobs, taking my sweet time to ‘choose like a queen’, quoting one of my Facebook friends status after she got her first job. I might have despised her a bit for that, being all boastful, but then I would have done the very same thing myself. Sadly for me that did not eventuate, no celebratory Facebook status worthy events to post up happened. Instead here I am scrapping from the bottom with whatever I have been given unsure of what’s next for me.

Pre-graduation I was so much more of a believer and an idealistic young person. When adult mentors – who had been through the system – would tell me then; “Oh enjoy your time now as a student before you get into the real world,” I’ll be arrogant enough to reply “No, I can’t wait to enter into the real world. Everything will come together perfectly after graduation. Finally I will get a chance to leap onto that spring board that shall propel me quickly to greater things in life.” Now looking back I realize that those were just a bunch of big fat false expectations. Straight after graduation, reality stormed in like a mean bi##ch. 

Nothing happened fast and the only thing happening fast now is the passing by of the days of my youth. A University Degree is not a springboard to greatness, its basically a pass to go forth into that real world. Nothing more, nothing less, your life, your effort and then there are thousands others out their in the labour market with similar qualifications starving for the same limited job. We all stylize our CV’s, Application Letters, Interview outfits and pre-meditated interview answers, all in the hope of coming out victorious – as one and only with the X-Factor for the job. Not being the X-Factor winner for the 2nd time can shrink us to a pea size and we start seriously contemplating that maybe ‘I am just not good enough.’

Oh how I hate myself sometimes for being stubbornly optimistic then; ignoring facts and ignoring reality. Back in the good old days I had this bumper sticker phrase plastered in the ‘front of my mind’ – Destined For Greatness.  Then came this difficult time in my life which slapped the bumper sticker off me, sending it flying off into a pile of my old naive crap. It became replaced with a longer phrase; ‘Greatness takes a lot of hardwork, you create your life, nothing is handed to you on a silver platter & why are you still reading this for, get back to work!’ 

Back then I really believed I had everything figured out. I was an arrogant and naive young person who needed to be humbled and more in touch with reality. And I am more humble now – excepting the fact that I don’t know anything at all and I am still learning and there is still so much room to grow, all thanks to this great learning experience of how difficult the real world can be.

Nowadays I am often a bit confused and also a bit insecure. I say a little bit insecure because I don’t get an itch from what other people think of me. That’s where arrongance comes in handy. Now I have a better outlet to channel my arrogance. I would project a confident young accomplished person who is going to get there someday, strutting about”corporate diva-ish’, big boss-ish and Naomi Campbell-ly when the truth is inside I am a mess, a wet towel splattered on the floor (for lack of better expressions).

Facebook and Instagram really doesn’t help either. I try to stay off it. Seeing classmates and friends at better positions makes me feel like a bit of an outcast. “They got it good, how come I didn’t get in. Maybe there is no place for someone like me in that circle of profession,” I would think. Not that everyone has really arrived, being a big baller and all that; purchasing a cool car or going on an expensive vacation around the world. I believe we are all still strugling to get there, but we just like to project to the world that we have arrived at the promise land of our University Degree qualification. For social media use, 2 things can happen for us struggling College grads; it’s either we offer a bit more mystique on Social Media posts leaving people to their wild fantasies and imaginations or we totally become a recluse from it, hiding from the world.

To be honest it would really wrench my heart if I did accidently come across a Facebook post of someone from my year being at the helm of their career and having it real good. I usually tread very carefully when on Facebook or Instagram trying to avoid something that might receede my self esteem and get me crying over my appauling ground level situation. Sometimes when I am obliged to comment – I offer a totally a generic comment – a simple ‘wow, congratulations, you deserve it,’ with an emoticon super smiley face to seal the authenticity of my well wishes. Afterwards I’ll be sitting alone in a corner and thinking to myself ‘I fricken deserve that too, I did everything right in my life, why am I stuck here in this dump.’ 

Is it jealousy, am I jealous? I don’t know, is there another nicer word to call it – its not like I wish that they fail, so that I could be the only one who comes out as the victorious one on top, the evil Queen at the helm of it all ensuring that nobody surpuses me. No, I don’t have any such evil wishes or evil intentions. I genuinely would love to know that people are doing well, it’s just that at these vulnerable moments seeing what other people have, becomes a harsh reminder of what I don’t have.

It’s not others, its me. It’s me who’s the problem, who has self esteem issues, it’s me who needs to make an extra effort in my life, to stop wining and complaining. I need to restructure my priorities, to develop new habits, be more organised and push myself further. Yes that’s what I need to do – PUSH MYSELF to become everything that I intend to be. Towards a life that is authentically mine – representative of all things that trully brings me joy. A life that I shall be very proud of. I am not all that selfish and self consumed, I just want to get out of my own misery first before I can go on sharing my goodness with the world around me. 

I need to fix myself. I shall listen to the universe and work harder like how Beyoncé performs live on stage. Work really hard and smartly till I become the Queen Bee or the Queen Victoria of my Kingdom, also complete with a Victoria and David Beckham love Story. I shall be living a great reality thereafter till I draw my last breathe and stop writing. I still have a huge Dream – which shall always remain – and one of the things I am excited about is how it has crystalized into actionable goals and that should carry me forth into the great unknown. 

Now I have a greater awareness and acceptance of life and where I am going and for that I thank this difficult phase of my young life.